Hello Bloggers,
I am new to this blogging site, and this is my first blog. But I needed an outlet to let out my feelings, fears, guilt, and remorse, and someone to tell me it will be okay. so I decided to try this out. As my family and friends are not the people I can go to for this.
I am suffering from infertility. I have been seeing a Fertility Specialist for some months and going through the treatments. I have faced 3 negative results with IUIs and am trying to determine if I should go for 4th IUI or 1st IVF?
My fear - i am prone to be infertile my whole life and will not be able to bear babies out of my womb.
My guilt - My husband and I have been married 5 years, and started trying after our 4th anniversary. He wanted babies right after marriage, and I wanted to wait b/c I was adjusting to married life, in-laws, new enviornment. I was struggling and was not happy, and could not bear bringing a new human being into my life if I was not ready and able to keep it happy, therefore I waited, and my husband supported me. Who knew then that we would have problems long-term. Now that we started trying, and tried 1-year on our own w/o success, we got referred to Specialist and going through treatments. I never knew we would be one of those couples out there, but we are. We are going to be reaching 6 years of our marriage, and now I feel guilty that I made my husband wait and we are not able to conceive. I feel like if we had tried earlier, we would have known earlier that we have problems, and could have had treatments sooner, and possibly be parents by now. The same should have, could have, would have stuff. But I can't change the past and can't predict the future.
My Husband - He loves kids, more than I do, he has the look of a dad in his eyes everytime he plays with other's babies, nieces, nephews. It hurts me to see that b/c I know how much he wants it. He has been the most positive person and supportive person through these treatments, but yet I feel guilty of having deprived him of this. He doesn't open up his feelings and says he is fine. He doesn't show his anger. I know its not my fault that I don't ovulate and don't have regular peridos and can't get pregnant. But what else to say?
Advice - can anyone help me what I should do to help myself and my husband get through these rough times and help him open up.
